Untitled Part 1

"My Grandpa moved in with us," Samantha took a sip of her soda and stared off into the neighbor's perfect green grass. The kind of grass you only find at golf courses and country clubs, the neighbors loved to show off.

"Oh yeah?" Holly took a sip of her Mega Jolt, her first time drinking a beverage with caffeine in it. At sixteen years old Holly, a sheltered suburban Mormon, had began her rebellious teenage stage starting with her highly caffeinated drink.

"Yeah, my grandma died last week and now my grandpa wants to die," Samantha felt the cool breeze from the Canyons in the not so far distance and was reminded of how fresh and new her life was compared to her grandpa's seemingly stale jaded life, "he told my mom he wanted to die and she was worried that he might just try to commit an early death."

"You mean suicide?" Holly practically chocked on her drink, "he would go to Hell for that."

"Yes, I know." Samantha wondered if there really was a Hell as all her Sunday school teacher's had taught. In the distance she saw Sister Smith, gardening. It wasn't like she was a nun, in the Church everyone was referred to as Sister or Brother.

"Oh shoot!" Holly said noticing Sister Smith waiving, she hid her Mega Jolt behind the bush next to the walkway steps they were sitting on. "I don't want her telling my mom, she would kill me!"

"Do you feel it yet?" Samantha asked Holly, the same kind of question one would ask another drinking alcohol.

Holly held up her hand. It trembled. "I think so...What about you?"

"Nah," Samantha shrugged and took another gulp of her Mega Jolt, "I have been drinking caffeine as long as I can remember."

"What!?" Holly looked surprised, "How?"

"Well, don't tell anyone," Samantha smiled and turned to Holly sitting beside her on the cement step, "but my mom drinks Diet Coke all the time! So I sneak sips when she is not looking."

"You are so bad!!" Holly was astonished at her best friend and felt the other half of her best friend necklace on her neck. A reminder that despite this revealed truth as regrettably sinful as it was, Samantha is her best friend forever.

"Yeah, I have a tolerance," Samantha confessed and worried that her best friend would judge her.

"Now I feel rather sinful drinking these Mega Jolts with you," Holly examined the lawn, so perfect in Sister Smith's yard and shabby in Samantha's yard. There was a clear difference between the two. Holly imagined her life as a lawn, laden with few imperfections and Samantha's life as a rogue unkempt mess just like her lawn. "I should be helping you get over your obvious caffeine addiction."

"Really?" Samantha was proud to have a friend who would pull her out of the ditch of her sinful life full of caffeine drinking and an occasional R-rated movie. Samantha wondered if she should keep the R-rated movie part a secret from her best friend.

"Yes, I want you to spend Eternity with me," Holly said looking into Samantha's eyes as she grabbed the caffeinated beverage. Samantha was overjoyed to have such a dedicated friend..."and my husband..."

"Yes, of course, and your husband." Samantha said with a hint of disappointment. For a reason Samantha could not even admit to herself she had secretly hoped that Holly and her would remain single, no men, just best friends forever. Nobody else but the two of them.

"You will have an eternal husband too silly," Holly smacked Samantha's leg and giggled, "our husbands can be best friends too!"

"They can go out golfing and we can stay at home drinking Mega Jolts.."

"Lemonade!" Holly interjected, "We shall abstain from caffeine."

"That will be hard," Samantha smiled and wondered what she would do without her mom's Diet Coke, "Rome wasn't built in a day."


"Wow! Samantha I am really feeling weird, I don't think I can ride my bike home," Holly stood up and Samantha stared at her completely white legs, they looked smooth and she wondered if her best friend was a goddess. Samantha envisioned Holly as a beautiful Greek statue, flawless, a masterpiece. Samantha quickly stood up after her, surely she wasn't thinking about this she tried to convince herself.

"I will walk you home," Samantha grabbed Holly's bike from the ground by the handle bars.

"You are such a great friend!" Holly said and gave her a hug. "You can walk me halfway."

"No," Samantha insisted trying to squeeze out every minute possible with her friend, "it is a beautiful day, I want to enjoy it, besides its not that far."

"Sure enough buddy," Holly said and bent down to tighten up her shoelaces to her brand new black Sketchers she bought last week with her babysitting money.

Samantha wished that she had new shoes, but unlike her friend, she was jobless and her parents were barely making ends meet. If she had money she was already set on buying a pair of sketchers that would match those of her best friends, most teens around sixteen had at least one pair of sketchers unfortunately for her, she is the odd teen out.

"You ready now slow poke?" Samantha held onto the mountain bike and rolled it beside her as she walked.

"Yes, still feeling funny but it will wear off right?" Holly asked with a worry in her face.

"Of course." Samantha giggled.

"Will my parent's notice?" Holly asked with a hint of anxiety in her tone.

"You mean notice your caffeine buzz?" she looked at the ground and kicked some pebbles with each stride.

"That is what this is called?"

"Yep," Samantha looked over the horizon at the setting sun, almost dinner time in this suburbia. Everything was so uniform, sameness, perfect, a utopia of an all Mormon neighborhood. Samantha remembered Brother Young's talk in church about the importance of family dinners. "If you eat something the buzz goes away quicker, so you should be okay after family dinner."

"Great!" Holly said, "that takes away all my worries, I shall pray tonight for forgiveness from our Heavenly Father."

"I shall do the same," Samantha said awkwardly knowing she would do no such thing unless you consider watching Adam Sandler movies praying for forgiveness.

"So tell me about your grandpa," Holly said with a concerned tone trying to change the subject remembering that prayer is a private matter.

"Well, he moved in yesterday." Samantha estimated that their walk should last about ten more minutes so she thought about what to say to be sure to cover the whole story, key points and how she feels about it. This was going to be hard but manageable. She took a second and wondered if it was odd that she strategically planned out every minute they would spend together so as not to waste any time.

"And how is it?"

"He just sleeps all the time, watches television... you know?" Samantha thought about her grandpa and the look of deep depression in his fact each and every time he looked her way. He was already dead in her mind. "He really does want to die."

"Do you think he would kill himself?" Holly cringed at the thought, "I mean he lived such a righteous life, he is almost done, I would love to be almost done so I can go to heaven... Life is tough."

"Well, my parents locked up all the medications, knives, and anything he could use to hang himself in the household."

"Wow! He is serious!" Holly was astonished. "He could always take a bath and drop a radio in the tub."

"I wish you didn't just say that..." Samantha popped a wheelie with the handle bars of the bike as she walked it forward, "now I have to tell my mom and she will lock up my hair dryer, curling iron and anything else electrical in my bathroom."

Holly laughed an evil laugh.

"This isn't funny!" Samantha said with a smile trying not to laugh, "now I will feel guilty if I don't hand over my electrical items over to my mom."

Samantha pictured her grandpa dead in the tub and her curling iron halfway floating in the water. "You should have hid the Curling iron from me kiddo!" Grandpa opens his eyes and takes his last breath. She cringed at the thought.

"I bet that creeps you out to have him with you in such a state of mind." Holly said.

"You are telling me," Samantha noticed the corner of Holly's yard, one more right turn and their little chat would be over. "I get scared with every thud, creek or squeak in the house at night, I keep thinking "'is that grandpa committing suicide?'"

"Ughh!" Holly started speed walking to her driveway doing what she could to end the conversation. She hated unpleasantness

"I'm sorry but you asked," Samantha sensed the awkwardness and handed over the bike to her friend.

"I will write you a note," Holly said with a smile.

"Great! I will write you one too!" The two girls loved to write each other notes to exchange whenever they saw each other. Samantha kept all her notes from Holly in a shoe box under her bed, and sure enough, Holly did the same thing with Samantha's notes.

Samantha turned away from her friend and started to walk back home. As she walked back staring at the perfect matchbox homes, almost like a cover for Better Homes and Garden, she wondered why she was so different. Why couldn't she be perfect like everyone else?

She thought about her family, her grandpa being totally depressed giving up on life. In a way, she felt she could relate to him. She felt a deep loneliness, nobody understood not even her. She couldn't even formulate words to express the feeling inside of her that made this neighborhood feel as unfamiliar as an Eskimo in Hawaii. She never felt she belonged.

It was exhausting for her to play the part of the good little 'Molly Mormon'. Most of the reason she was so bad at playing the part was because it was not natural for her to be as such. She didn't want to grow up to be a homemaker, wife and mother. Her ideal night wasn't lasagna, scriptures and a board games.

She wondered how long she could keep up the charade. She knew that it wouldn't last forever, but when she finally does have a breakdown... She wouldn't let herself think of losing her best friend for not being holy enough. She enjoyed the smell of her pear lotion too much, or so she told herself.

As her house became closer and closer with each step Samantha wondered if Grandpa was still alive. She was on edge, like everyone else in her family, it was her turn to watch him while everyone else did their daily routine. She shrugged over her responsibility of watching him so she can spend some precious moments with her friend.

Surely nothing happened...